8/1/01:

A girl from Shanghai had a ball

With the whole Eighth Army last fall.

She was screwed, with a smile,

Seven times every mile,

The full length of the Chinese Great Wall.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/2/01:

Lil married a rich old geezer

But the old dude just couldn’t please her.

So she slipped him Viagra,

Then he flowed like Niagara,

And screwed 'til he died from the seizure.

Contributed by
Yar Har

8/3/01:

The jury convicted poor Dolly

Of a crime they called sexual folly.

Though she proved that her rape

Was performed by an ape,

What she bore looked much more like a collie.

Contributed by
Theresa V.

8/4/01:

A girl, much too young, but her bust is

Sure making me horny, and lust is

Consuming my head

To get her in bed:

Her name is Miss Carriage, of Justice.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/5/01:

There was a young man from Siberia

Who's morals were rather inferior.

He did to a Nun

What he shouldn't have done,

And now she's a Mother Superior.

Contributed by
John H.

8/6/01:

A greengrocer's girl from the Humber

The boys thought a really hot number.

When business was slow,

She'd put on a show,

Performing the cucumber rumba.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/7/01:

A handsome young fellow called Campbell

Went out with some girls on a ramble.

They were pleased and impressed

By his sexy prowess,

But he cried, ”This is just the preamble!”

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/8/01:

A hillbilly gent name of Cato

Wanted sex with his girl on a Date-o.

She said, ”Yer dick's real purdy,

But yer balls are too dirty,

They look like a fresh dug potato!”

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/9/01:

A homely old woman named Jane

Was hired by a farmer in Spain

To stand in his field

After research revealed

That rain mainly falls on the plain.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/10/01:

A horny young woman named Kate,

Had hoped for a really hot date,

But despite lots of kissing,

His erection was missing,

So next time she'll just masturbate.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/11/01:

A raunchy old hooker from Norway

Would peddle her ass in the doorway.

She always said, "Honey,

Ya gotta have money

Cause I only fuck in the whore way."

Contributed by
Theresa V.

8/12/01:

A lisping young man from Fort Worth,

With a dick of fantastical girth,

Once said with a grin,

As he coaxed it all in,

”I can thee that I'm not quite your firtht!”

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/13/01:

A maiden at college, Miss Breeze,

Weighed down by B.A.'s and Lit.D's,

Collapsed from the strain,

Said her doctor, ”It's plain

You are killing yourself by degrees!”

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/14/01:

A man from Southern Nantucket

Took a shit in a big rusty bucket.

He got wedged in that pail,

An embarrassing tale...

It was only a fart that unstuck it.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/15/01:

A man with venereal fear

Had intercourse in his wife's ear.

She said, ”I don't mind,

Except that I find

When the telephone rings, I don't hear.”

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/16/01:

A modern cinegraphic emporium

Is not just a super-sensorium

When the mood is terrific

It's an ultra specific

Mutual masterbatorium.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/17/01:

A modest young girl named Oola

Once donned a grass skirt to dance Hula.

A cow ate the grass,

Exposing her ass,

Now she's no longer modest but coola.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/18/01:

A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd

Who was frightened and screamed very loud!

Then a happy thought hit her

To scare off the critter:

She sat up in bed and meowed!

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/19/01:

A near-sighted chap named Coulter

Led a glamorous gal to the altar.

Quite lovely he thought her

Till strong soap and hot water

Made her look like the rock of Gibraltar.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/20/01:

A pathetic old maid of Bordeaux

Fell in love with a dashing young beau.

To entice his regard

She would squat in his yard

And appealingly piss in the snow.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/21/01:

An incompetent rapist from Ghent,

Had a phallus all crooked and bent.

He confessed with chagrin,

"True, I fail to get it in,

But it leaves one helluva dent!"

Contributed by
Geo. A.

8/22/01:

I'd rather have fingers than toes,

I'd rather have ears than a nose.

And a happy erection,

Brought just to perfection,

Makes me terribly sad when it goes.

Contributed by
Jim R.

8/23/01:

A pitiful case is young Rex,

With his bulgingly masculine pecs,

And biceps the size

Of a weightlifter's thighs,

For he's thinking of changing his sex.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/24/01:

A priest amidst his congregation

Was engaging in wild masturbation.

They called in the Pope

And he answered, ”There's hope

For I, too, am in his situation”.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/25/01:

A progressive professor named Tinners

Held classes each evening for sinners.

They were graded and spaced

So the very debased

Would not be held back by beginners.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/26/01:

A publisher once went to France

In search of a tale of romance;

A Parisian lady

Told a story so shady

That the publisher made an advance.

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/27/01:

A quick witted astronaut, Dwight,

When asked 'bout his upcoming flight,

Did he have worry one

'Bout landing on the sun?

”Heck no, we're landing at night!”

Contributed by
Jan M.

8/28/01:

Amidst the confusion of a crowd,

Dirty Joe fondled young Miss Dowd.

She was shocked and afrighted,

And yet so excited,

That she moaned for help ... but not too loud!

Contributed by
Shoeless Geo

8/29/01:

The limerick is furtive and mean.

You must keep her in close quarantine.

Or she sneaks to the slums

And promptly becomes

Disorderly, drunk and obscene!

Contributed by
Jim R.

8/30/01:

By the time this poem is read,

I will have lain down to bed.

I'll whip out my dick,

And jerk off quick...

My sex life is all in my head.

Contributed by
Ian F.

8/31/01:

A randy young fellow named Payne

Wooed a lovely girl, but in vain,

For she swore when he kissed her,

So he slept with her sister

Again and again and again.

Contributed by
Jan M.