8/1/99:

A Phi Delt known as Carruthers

Will never make little girls mothers.

Around the old brown

He is covered with down

To wipe off the dongs of his brothers.

1942

8/2/99:

Said a man to a maid of Ashanti,

"Can one sniff of your twitchet, or can't he?"

Said she with a grin,

"Sure, shove your nose in!

But presto, please---not too andante."

1941

8/3/99:

There once was a newspaper vendor,

A person of dubious gender.

He would charge one-and-two

For permission to view

His remarkable double pudenda.

1941

8/4/99:

The King plugged the Queen's ass with mustard

To make her fuck hot, but got flustered,

And he cried, "Oh, my dear,

I am coming, I fear,

But the mustard will make you come plus tard!"

1941

8/5/99:

There was a young man from Eurasia

Who toasted his balls in a brazier

Till they grew quite as hot

As the glamorous twat

Of Miss Brenda Diana Duff Frazier.

1939

8/6/99:

When I was a baby, my penis

Was as white as the buttocks of Venus.

But now 'tis as red

As her nipples instead---

All because of the feminine genus!

1939

8/7/99:

In all of the Grecian metropolis

There was only one virgin---Papapoulos;

But her cunt as all callous

From fucking the phallus

Of a god that adorned the Acropolis.

1941

8/8/99:

A young lady who taught at Devizes

Was had up at the local assizes

For teaching young boys

Matrimonial joys,

And giving French letters as prizes.

1941

8/9/99:

A girl named Alice, in Dallas,

Had never felt of a phallus.

She remained virgo intacto,

Becaude, ipso facto,

No phallus in Dallas fit Alice.

1946

8/10/99:

A fantastic young Prince of Sirocco

Had erotical penchants roccoco:

The prick of this Prince

Was flavored with quince,

And he seasoned his semen with cocoa.

1941

8/11/99:

A young man maintained that his trigger

Was so big that there weren't any bigger.

But this long and thick pud

Was so heavy it could

Scarcely lift up its head. It lacked vigor.

1941

8/12/99:

Quoth the coroner's jury in Preston,

"The verdict is rectal congestion."

They found an eight-ball

On a shoemaker's awl

Halfway up the major's intestine.

1942

8/13/99:

A soldier named Dougall McDougall

Was caught jacking off in his bugle.

Said they of the army,

"We think that you're barmy,"

Said he, "It's the new way to frugle."

1939

8/14/99:
Part 1 of 4:

In the shade of the old apple tree

Where between her fat legs I could see

A little brown spot

With the hair in a knot,

And it certainly looked good to me.

8/15/99:
Part 2 of 4:

I asked as I tickled her tit

If she thought that my big thing would fit.

She said it would do

So we had a good screw

In the shade of the old apple tree.

8/16/99:
Part 3 of 4:

In the shade of the old apple tree

I got all that was coming to me.

In the soft dewy grass

I had a fine piece of ass

From a maiden that was fine to see.

8/17/99:
Part 4 of 4:

I could hear the dull buzz of the bee

As he sunk his grub hooks into me.

Her ass it was fine

But you should have seen mine

In the shade of the old apple tree.

1928

8/18/99:

There was a young man from McGill

Who was always seen walking uphill.

When someone inquired,

"My man, aren't you tired?"

He said, "No, it makes my balls thrill."

1939

8/19/99:

There was a young fellow named Lancelot

Whom his neighbors all looked on askance a lot.

Whenever he'd pass

A presentable lass,

The front of his pants would advance a lot.

1944

8/20/99:

There was a young lady of Mott

Who inserted a fly up her twat

And pretended the buzz

Was not what it was

But something she knew it was not.

1943

8/21/99:
Part 1 of 4:

Oh, the peters they grow small, over there,

Oh, the peters they grow small, over there,

Oh, the peters they grow small,

Because they work 'em for a fall,

And then eats 'em, tops and all, over there.

8/22/99:
Part 2 of 4:

Oh, the pussies they are small, over there,

Oh, the pussies they are small, over there,

Oh, the pussies they are small,

But they take 'em short and tall,

And then burns their pricks and all, over there.

8/23/99:
Part 3 of 4:

Oh, I wish I was a pimp, over there,

Oh, I wish I was a pimp, over there,

Oh, I wish I was a pimp,

For I'd give the boys a crimp,

With all my whorey blimps, over there.

8/24/99:
Part 4 of 4:

Oh, they had a squirt for clap, over there,

Oh, they had a squirt for clap, over there,

Oh, they had a squirt for clap,

It was a potent clap trap,

And it burnt our pecker's cap, over there.

1927

8/25/99:

There was a young man from Dundee

Who cornholed an ape in a tree.

The results were most horrid,

All ass and no forehead,

Three balls and a purple goatee.

Contributed by
John R.

8/26/99:

There once was a poet named Rob

Who found a girl that kissed on his knob.

After awhile it grew wider

So he shoved it inside her

And never went back to his job.

Contributed by
Anthony

8/27/99:

Since donning a uniform, Joe

Quit the floozies that he used to know.

Says he, "Joan Bennett'll

Tickle my genital

Every night at the old U.S.O."

1944

8/28/99:

A neurotic young man of Kildare

Drilled a hole in the seat of a chair.

He fucked it all night,

Then died of the fright

That maybe he wasn't "all there."

46

8/29/99:

A lecherous Bishop of Peoria,

In a state of constant euphoria,

Enjoyed having fun

With a whore or a nun

While chanting the Sanctus and Gloria.

1944

8/30/99:

There was a young lady named Hicks

Who delighted to play with men's pricks,

Which she would embellish

With evident relish,

And make them stand up and do tricks.

1941

8/31/99:

There was a young Jew in Delray

Who buggered his father one day.

He said, "I like rather

To stuff it up Father;

He's clean, and there's nothing to pay."

1879