4/1/99:

A horny young fellow named Redge

Was jerking off under a hedge.

The gardener drew near

With a huge pruning shear,

And trimmed off the edge of his wedge.

1941

4/2/99:

There was a young man of Seattle

Who bested a bull in a battle.

With fire and gumption

He assumed the bull's function,

And deflowered a whole herd of cattle.

1945

4/3/99:

A maiden who wrote of big cities

Some songs full of love, fun and pities,

Sold her stuff at the shop

Of a musical wop

Who played with her soft little titties.

1935

4/4/99:

There once was a lady hand-letterer

Who thought of a program to better her.

She hand-lettered each

Of the parts she could reach,

The bosoms, the navel, et cetera.

1947

4/5/99:

There was an old goddess named Venus

Who loved young Adonis' penis.

When Jupiter, the fool,

Cut off the boy's tool,

She remarked, "Please don't come between us."

1952

4/6/99:

There was a young man from Peru

Who attempted to bugger a gnu.

Said the gnu, "Pederasty

Is decidedly nasty,

But you may slip up my slew for a sou."

1944

4/7/99:

The beautiful wife of a banker

Was asleep on a yacht while at anchor.

She awoke in dismay

When she heard the mate say,

"Boys hoist up the top sheet and spanker!"

Contributed by
Chuck P.

4/8/99:

A Bishop whose See was Vermont

Used to jerk himself off in the font.

The baptistry stank

With an odor most rank,

And no one would sit up in front.

1952

4/9/99:

Since the girls found no joys in her lap,

Sue chopped off her big brother's tap.

At his death she did not repent,

But fixed it with cement

And wore it in place with a strap.

1942

4/10/99:

There was a young lady of Bicester

Who was nicer by far than her sister:

The sister would giggle

And wiggle and jiggle,

But this one would come if you kissed her.

1941

4/11/99:

An explorer returned from Australia,

Reported lost paraphernalia:

A Zeiss microscope

And his personal hope,

Which had vanished with his genitalia.

1942

4/12/99:

There was a young student of Skat, ah me!

Who said, "What have these wenches got o' me?

I have lost father's knees,

Likewise my pancreas,

And I fear I shall die of phlebotomy."

1938

4/13/99:

There was a young man named Moritz

Who was subject to passionate fits,

But his pleasure in life

Was to suck off his wife

As he swung by his knees from her tits.

1941

4/14/99:

An amorous lady named Clair

Said, "Please don't touch me down there.

It makes me feel icky,

And gooey and sticky,

And sometimes I stick to my chair"

Contributed by
Bob M.

4/15/99:

There was a young lady named Smith

Whose virtue was largely a myth.

She said, "Try as I can

I can't find a man

Who it's fun to be virtuous with."

1945

4/16/99:

An untutored Southwestern solon

Couldn't tell his behind from a hole in

That good Texas ground

Till the day that he found

That oil wouldn't come out of his colon.

1948

4/17/99:

There was a young fellow from Leith

Who used to skin cocks with his teeth.

It wasn't for pleasure

He adopted his measure,

But to get at the cheese underneath.

1934

4/18/99:

There once was a poet named Rob,

Found a girl that kissed on his knob.

After awhile it grew wider,

So he shoved it inside her,

And never went back to his job.

Contributed by
Anthony

4/19/99:

"Freud's opinion", said old Dr. Stekel,

"Isn't worth a Confederate shekel.

Withdrawal is fun---

But beware lest the sun

Should cause the withdrawn parts to freckle."

1948

4/20/99:

There was a young lady named Sharkey

Who had an affair with a darkey.

The result of her sins

Was quadruplets, not twins,

One white, and one black, and two khaki.

1927

4/21/99:

I sat with the Duchess at tea,

And she asked, "Do you fart when you pee?"

And I said with some wit,

"Do you belch when you shit?"

And I felt it was one up to me!

Contributed by
Tim A.

4/22/99:

There once was a man from Kanut,

Who had lots of warts on his root.

He put acid on these,

And now, when he pees,

He holds his dick like a flute!

Contributed by
Mark H.

4/23/99:

There was an old man from Leeds,

Who swallowed a packet of seeds,

Tufts of grass

Grew out his ass,

And his balls were all covered in weeds.

Contributed by
Sharon R.

4/24/99:

Frankie and Johnny were lovers

Especially under the covers.

When she pulled out his trigger

She said, "Mmm, what a figger!

But it makes so many girls mothers."

1942

4/25/99:

A muscular Turk of Stamboul

Tried to screw a recalcitrant mule.

He climbed on a haystack

Overlooking a racetrack,

And dived in all covered with drool.

1952

4/26/99:

I met a young man in Chungking

Who had a very long thing---

But you'll guess my surprise

When I found that its size

Just measured a third-finger ring!

1945

4/27/99:

Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,

When his prick wouldn't rise for a lay,

"You must seize it, and squeeze it,

And tease it, and please it,

For Rome wasn't built in a day."

1941

4/28/99:

Said Oscar McDingle O'Figgle,

With an almost hysterical giggle,

"Last night I was sick

With delight when my prick

Felt dear Alfred's delicious arse wriggle!"

1941

4/29/99:

As the rabbi was cutting the throat

Of the annual tribal scape-goat,

Said the beast, "I will cite you

As a sodomite! You

Forget what we did on the boat."

1942

4/30/99:

There was a marine on Palau

Who looked for a girl to deflower.

But to his surprise

The Jap girls run sidewise---

To deflower on Palau takes know-how.

1944