September 1998

Limericks o' the Day


9/1/98:

There was a young girl in Berlin
Who was fucked by an elderly Finn.
Though he diddled his best,
And fucked her with zest,
She kept asking, "Hey, Pop, is it in?"
1927

9/2/98:

There was a young peasant named Gorse
Who fell madly in love with his horse.
Said his wife, "You rapscallion,
That horse is a stallion---
This constitutes grounds for divorce."
1941

9/3/98:

Maggie is such a sad sack of shit
That no one will tickle her tit.
It would make her so glad
To be had by a lad,
Her drawers cream at the mere thought of it.
1943

9/4/98:

Said an old taxidermist in Burrell,
As he skillfully mounted a squirrel,
"This excess of tail is
Obstructive to phallus;
One's much better off with a girl."
1942

9/5/98:

A widow whose singular vice
Was to keep her late husband on ice
Said, "It's been hard since I lost him---
I'll never defrost him!
Cold comfort, but cheap at the price,"
1947

9/6/98:

There was a young man from Glengozzle
Who found a remarkable fossil.
He knew by the bend
And the wart on the end,
'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle.
1938

9/7/98:

A newlywed couple from Goshen
Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean.
In twenty-eight days
They got laid eighty ways---
Imagine such fucking devotion.
1941

9/8/98:

A seamstress at Epping-on-Tyne
Used to peddle her tail down the line.
She first got a crown,
But her prices went down---
Now she'll fit you for ten pence or nine.
1942

9/9/98:

There was a young lady named Hatch
Who would always come through in a scratch.
If a guy wouldn't neck her,
She'd grab up his pecker
And shove the damn thing up her snatch.
1945

9/10/98:

There once was a eunuch of Roylem,
Took two eggs to the cook and said, "Boil 'em.
I'll sling 'em beneath
My inadequate sheath,
And slip into the harem and foil 'em."
1947

9/11/98:

Should a fellow discover some night
A girl's body in bed, it's all right.
He should think it good luck,
And accept the free fuck---
He will bugger her too, if he's bright.
1941

9/12/98:

When a woman in strapless attire
Found her breasts working higher and higher,
A guest, with great feeling,
Exclaimed, "How appealing!
Do you mind if I piss in the fire?"
1945

9/13/98:

A fellow whose surname was Hunt
Trained his cock to perform a slick stunt:
This versatile spout
Could be turned inside out,
Like a glove, and be used as a cunt.
1942

9/14/98:

There was a young monk from Siberia
Whose morals were very inferior.
He did to a nun
What he shouldn't have done,
And now she's a Mother Superior.
1933

9/15/98:

There was a young fellow named Sweeney
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch
Had a catch that would latch---
She could only be screwed by Houdini.
1941

9/16/98:

There was an old Abbot of Khief
Who thought the Inpenitent Thief
Had bollocks of brass
And an amethyst ass.
He died in this awful belief.
1928

9/17/98:
Part 1 of 6:

It was under the old apple tree
That she first showed it to me.
It was ever so hot,
It was shaped like a slot,
But it looked like a subway to me.

9/18/98:
Part 2 of 6:

With a twinlke so full in her eye,
She craftily mangled my fly.
Out popped a tool
That was long as a rule
And she sank to her knees with a sigh.

9/19/98:
Part 3 of 6:

She proceeded to lube up my tool
With lots of her natural drool.
My knees gave a shake,
My breath hard to make,
And my tool throbbed away like a fool.

9/20/98:
Part 4 of 6:

With a magnificent shake of her head,
She threw me down onto the bed.
The apples so round,
The leaves on the ground
Made my tool like a sail on the Med.

9/21/98:
Part 5 of 6:

The subway engulfed all my tool.
She rocked like she's riding a mule.
My tool gave a jerk,
Let out a hot squrt,
And flooded her subway with jooul.

9/22/98:
Part 6 of 6:

As the sun sank slow in the west,
She rose up and off of my chest.
The tool flopped out bent
It was terribly spent--
She absorbed all the best of the rest!
Contributed by
K.K.

9/23/98:

There once was a girl named McGoffin
Who was diddled amazingly often.
She was rogered by scores
Who'd been turned down by whores,
And was finally screwed in her coffin.
1941

9/24/98:

There was an old curate of Hestion
Who'd erect at the slightest suggestion.
But so small was his tool
He could scarce screw a spool,
And a cunt was quite out of the question.
1941

9/25/98:

There was a gay dog from Ontario
Who fancied himself a Lothario.
At a wench's glance
He'd snatch off his pants
And make for her Mons Venerio.
1946

9/26/98:

There once was a man from New Boston,
Who bought a new sportscar--an Austin;
There was room for his ass,
And a gallon of gas,
And his balls hung out till he lost 'em.
Contributed by
Don B.

9/27/98:

An indolent vicar of Bray
Kept his wife in the family way,
Till she grew more alert,
Bought a vaginal squirt,
And said to her spuose, "Let us spray!"
1941

9/28/98:

There was a young student of art
Who made a strange anatomical chart:
In place of the chest
A grease spot on the vest,
And in place of the asshole a fart.
1944

9/29/98:

There was a young lady named Maude
A terrible society fraud:
In company, I'm told
She was awfully cold.
But if you got her alone, Oh God!
1927

9/30/98:

There was a young fellow named Cribbs
Whose cock was so big it had ribs.
They were inches apart,
And to suck, it took art,
While to fuck, it took forty-two trips.
1944

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