2/1/98:

There was a young fellow in Buckingham.

Wrote a treatise on cunts and on sucking them,

But later this work

Was eclipsed by a Turk

Whose topic was ass-holes and fucking them.

1879

2/2/98:

There was a young lady from Waste

Who fled from a man in some haste.

She tripped as she ran,

And fell flat on her pan---

She sometimes still dreams that she's chaste.

1942

2/3/98:

There was a young squaw of Wohunt

Who possessed a collapsible cunt.

It had many odd uses,

Produced no papooses,

And fitted both giant and runt.

1944

2/4/98:

There was a young sapphic named Anna

Who stuffed her friend's cunt with banana,

Which she sucked bit by bit

From her partner's warm slit,

In the most approved lesbian manner.

1934

2/5/98:

There was a young man of Dumfries

Who said to his girl,"If you please,

It would give me great bliss

If, while playing with this,

You would pay some attention to these!"

1941

2/6/98:

There was a young girl of Bavaria

Who thought her disease ws malaria.

But the family doc

Remarked to her shock,

"It is in the mercurial area."

1941

2/7/98:

There was a young girl from Odessa,

A rather unblushing transgressor.

When sent to the priest

The lewd little beast

Began to undress her confessor.

1952

2/8/98:

There was a young lady of Norway

Who hung by her heels in the doorway.

She said to her beau,

"Hey, look at me, Joe,

I think I've discovered one more way."

1952

2/9/98:

There was a young woman in Dee

Who stayed with each man she did see.

When it came to a test

She wished to be best,

And practice makes perfect, you see.

1927

2/10/98:

A sempstress at Epping-on-Tyne

Used to peddle her tail down the line.

She first got a crown,

But her prices went down---

Now she'll fit you for ten pence or nine.

19

2/11/98:

A proper young person named Gissing

Announced he had given up kissing.

"I strike out at once

For something that counts,

And besides my girl's front teeth are missing."

1942

2/12/98:

The parish commission at Roylette

Bought their vicar a pristine new toilet.

But he still voids his bowels

On a heap of old towels,

He's so very reluctant to soil it.

1949

2/13/98:

There was an old sculptor named Phidias

Whose knowledge of art was invidious.

He carved Aphrodite

Without any nightie---

Which startled the purely fastidious.

1903

2/14/98:

There was a young man of Madras

Who was having a boy in the grass.

Then a cobra-capello

Said, "Hello, young fellow!"

And bit a piece out of his ass.

1928

2/15/98:

A nudist girl wearing three raisins

A masquerade prize was her goal.

The judges said, "Lookie,

From the front she's a cookie,

And the back she's a Parker House roll.

1946

2/16/98:

There was a young rascal named James,

Who liked to play terrible games,

He lit up the front

Of his Grandmother's cunt

And laughed as she pissed through the flames!

Contributed by
Skiboy

2/17/98:

There was a young girl named Dalrymple

Whose sexual equipment was so simple

That on examination they found

Little more than a mound

In the center of which was a dimple.

1944

2/18/98:

There was a young fellow named Goff

Whose amusement was jacking it off

He pulled it so hard

It stretched out a yard.

And turned to bright blue and fell off.

1944

2/19/98:

There was an old gent from Kentuck

Who boasted a filigreed schmuck,

But he put it away

For fear that one day

He might put it in and get stuck.

1952

2/20/98:

A lacklustre lady of Brougham

Weaveth all night at her loom.

Anon she doth blench

When her lord and his wench

Pull a chain in the neighboring room.

1942

2/21/98:

There was a young man of Newminster Court

Bugger'd a pig, but his prick was too short.

Said the hog, "It's not nice,

But pray take my advice:

Make tracks, or by the police you'll be caught."

1879

2/22/98:

There was a young man named O'Malley

Who was fucking his gal in the alley,

When right at the start

Whe let a small fart,

Said O'Malley to Sally, "Now r'ally!"

1951

2/23/98:

There was a young lady named Sue

Who preferred a stiff drink to a screw.

But one leads to the other,

And now she's a mother---

Let this be a lesson to you.

1945

2/24/98:

A wonderful fish is the flea,

He bores and he bites on me.

I would love, indeed,

To watch him feed,

But he bites me where I cannot see.

1927

2/25/98:

There was a young fellow from Eno

Who said to his girl, "Now, old Beano,

Lift your skirt up in front,

And enlarge your old cunt,

For the size of this organ is keen-o."

1925

2/26/98:

There was a young fellow of Kent

Whose prick was so long it was bent,

So to save himself trouble

He put it in double,

And instead of coming he went.

1927

2/27/98:

There was a young lady named Shriver

Who was screwed in the ass by the driver,

And when she complained

He said, "Sorry you were pained,"

And gave her a fiver to bribe her.

1952

2/28/98:

A nymphomaniacal nurse

With a curse that was worse than perverse

Stuck a rotary drill

Up her twat, for a thrill---

And they carted her off in a hearse.

1939